After we had been in Honduras for about a year, my mom agreed to send my sis and me to visit my dad for winter break. It was only our 2nd flight ever and our 1st as unaccompanied minors. I don't think we were scared at all, just excited. Everything went as planned, and my father picked us up at the airport. I was so happy to finally see my dad again. Then I met his new wife and her annoying 2-year-old, and I suddenly wasn't sure I wanted to be there anymore. However, Christmas was days away, and there were dozens of beautifully wrapped gifts under the Christmas tree. So, I figured I'd stick around to see what they had to offer.
While waiting for Christmas to roll around, my sis and I spent many hours enjoying the snow. We built snowmen and huge forts, had snowball fights, and went sledding as often as we were allowed to. I remember my dad making me come inside after I'd been working on our fort for a long time, and pulling my boots off, I discovered that my socks were practically frozen to my feet! I'm lucky that I never got frostbite.
The Christmas loot turned out to be well worth sticking around for. There was a record player, a doll house, a kit for growing crystals, and all kinds of fun toys that I'd never even seen before. After a week or two of being spoiled rotten, my dad and stepmom informed us that they weren't going to send us back to my mom. I was having so much fun at the time that I wasn't much bothered by the news. However, the next time I spoke to my mother on the phone, the sound of her voice reminded me of what I was missing in Honduras: my neighbor, Candy, and our other friends; trips to the beach; valeadas and tajaditas; our big corner lot with huge trees next to the monte. I was suddenly stricken with homesickness and blabbed about my dad's plan to keep us. My mom flipped!
After the phonecall I informed my dad that I wanted to go back to my mom. When he replied that it wasn't an option, I threw my self on my bed and wailed for about two hours. I only stopped then because my stepmom came in and yelled at me, saying that my dad was in his room crying because I was breaking his heart. I didn't want to hurt my dad; but I wanted my mom. I felt so torn and confused. I packed my clothes in a suit case and declared that I was running away. My stepmom just said "OK", and asked what my plan was. I shrugged, so she asked specifically where I was going to go and how I would get food. I proudly announced that I could take care of myself; but when she called my bluff, saying "There's the door. Good luck.", I chickened out.
Within days, Mom was in the U.S. and taking my dad to court to fight for custody. I remember walking up to the gray stone courthouse, feeling nervous about seeing my mom again and overwhelmed with conflicting feelings about my parents. I loved my dad and didn't want to leave him, but I missed my mom and Honduras. I think that was when I developed my first resentment. I blamed my mother for the situation because she was the one who had divorced my dad and taken us away. In my anger, I did something cruel, which I now recognize as my first act of manipulation. Sitting in the courtroom next to my mother, I turned around to say something to my stepmom and called her "Mom". A couple of decades later, my stepmom would remind me of the incident and the fact that I had always called her Tina until that moment.
When it was time for the judge to hear my parents' case, a friend of my mother's took my sis and me outside to walk around. I asked why we couldn't stay inside, and I was told that "sometimes mommies and daddies say things that aren't very nice in situations like this, and it's better for their kids to not hear it." A while later my mom came out and told my sis and me that we were going to stay the night with her at her friend's house. I was happy to be with my mom again, but I was sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad. I didn't worry about it too much though because I understood that we were supposed to be back in court the next day.
I fell asleep quickly that night because I was so emotionally worn out. When I was awakened, it was still dark outside. My mom said, "Hurry and get up. We need to go quickly." I asked where we were going, and my mom just said that she'd explain in the car. Once we were in the car, she informed us that we were going to the airport to catch the next flight to Honduras. I cried out "But I thought you had to go back to court?" She gave me some story about how the judge had winked at her, indicating that this was her chance to go ahead and take us back. I looked out the back window of the car in the direction of my dad's home that I would never see again, and as tears streamed down my face, all I could think was, "I didn't get to say goodbye."
No comments:
Post a Comment